Slow, Slow, Slow

Things are moving so incredibly slow its driving me crazy. The month of July has been brutal as far as referrals are concerned. June was like Christmas in overdrive, over 50 referrals before the court closure. July on the other hand, one, maybe two referrals, with hundreds of families waiting.

I am noticing that a large part of my sanity during this wait is supplemented by our forum through the agency's website, I check it at least twenty seven times a day. The forum is a great way to communicate with others that are going through or have completed the adoption process. Its a place where we can ask any question without judgement, put our feelings out there knowing someone will tell you they have been there before, and celebrate when a referral has been accepted. I stay sane knowing that referrals keep coming. I find it soothing to hear the good news that a family has been blessed with a little one and that someday this WILL be US.

For me, its kind of like dreaming of the day I got married or the day we moved into our house on Yukon. There is so much anticipation, excitement and anxiousness, its almost as if the day will never arrive. I try to envision what it will be like to finally hear the words...."We have your little one." I try not to think about how much I will cry when my social worker breathes those words to us, or how I might miss the phone call because I am presenting the latest trends in wallcovering to a group of designers. I try to imagine how to tell our families and friends and what it will be like to travel to another world to finally be able to hold something that I have wanted for so long. As others get referrals, I find hope and know that we are moving up the list. As we move on to August, I am praying that the referrals start coming in. To be frank, I need the referrals to start coming in, I could use a little hope.

This wait is so hard. This wait is so, so hard.